Stages Of Awareness, Making Lasting Changes In Life

The most difficult thing about being successful in life is to make and adhere to the personal changes required to both attract success (whether in business or in this context, in a long term relationship that serves to lift all involved and is happy for the majority of its days), and then to allow it in.

As social beings in Canada and the US (and other places too, I just can't speak for their cultures), a lot of the information we receive about how to behave as we're growing up doesn't aim us towards these goals, however. We're not taught to "attract" success, we're taught to charge in after it and to "fight for it". And anyone who allows success into their lives suddenly gets labeled as a "bad guy" in some way, usually by pointing at how the "little people" are doing all the work and the successful one is a societal leech or predator.

The combination of these two modes of thought is a motivation killer, and creates a society of people who talk about working hard for success on one hand (while simultaneously sabotaging their own efforts so they're not REALLY successful) but who actively refuse to accept the benefits of success out of guilt or fear on the other.

Not all people are like this of course, but if you've been locked in between that "rock and a hard place" feeling, you know what I'm talking about.

For me, in the journey towards self-awareness and personal success in being able to keep in a positive state the majority of the time, I've spent a lot of time dwelling on the topic of Motivation, and how it interacts with its opposing forces.

In my growing awareness, this one story has been more useful to me than any other in explaining the inner process we all go through as human beings when we decide to make a change in our lives, to counter-act some motivation-killer or to find a way to augment the motivation we already have. It is a story of the Stages of Awareness, but unlike the rest of the references I see when I search in Google.

It is written as an autobiography, but I did not write it originally. Yet, it can still be used as an autobiography of any of us, because what the author speaks of is the universal truths and patterns behind making a real and lasting change in your life:


AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I. I walk down the street. 
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 
I fall in. 
I am lost … I am helpless. 
It isn’t my fault. 
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II. I walk down the same street. 
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 
I pretend I don’t see it. 
I fall in again. 
I can’t believe I am in the same place but, it isn’t my fault. 
It still takes a long time to get out.

III. I walk down the same street. 
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 
I see it is there. 
I still fall in … it’s a habit. 
My eyes are open. 
I know where I am. 
It is my fault. 
I get out immediately.

IV. I walk down the same street. 
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 
I walk around it.

V. I walk down another street.



My next entry will provide a Real Life example of someone progressing through these phases of awareness as he removes toxic influences from his life in favor of healthy, rewarding ones. Getting divorced, recovering, and finding the love of his life who treats him exactly as he wants to be treated.

Three Things To Consider Before You Get Back Together With Your Ex

Love is a many splendored thing, they say.

When you're in that first flush of love, it feels wonderful, but when love cools down, or a relationship is ended completely, Love Sucks, doesn't it??!

We've all gone through break ups.  We've all been the one to instigate the break up, and we've all been the one shocked by it, at one time or another.

And even when we instigate it, by being passive-aggressive and thinking and acting in ways that destroy the sanctity of the relationship, if our partner is the one to actually say the words, we can still be pretty shocked.

Once the shock and anger and hurt has worn off, and you've taken stock of your contribution to the downfall of the relationship (instead of just blaming him for everything, which is convenient but doesn't help much), what if you reconnected with your Ex, and found that he, too, was "unencumbered" again, and obviously still enjoyed your company?

Should We Get Back Together?

The first thing you should consider before getting back together with your ex is whether it's really a good idea.  This will mean keeping your emotions under control, and taking time before agreeing to anything, so you can make sane decisions after some real thought.

Secondly, why did you guys break up in the first place?  It wouldn't hurt to take a few good hours to sit down and write a list of pro's and cons, and then ask yourself whether these things have really changed or if you're just conveniently overlooking or "hoping" for them to have.

A third important thing to remember before you go into a relationship with an ex is to clean your mental slate and start over.  Treat the relationship as if it's a new one, making new plans for the future and having new expectations of both yourself and of him, as well.  Drop everything that "used to be" part of the agreement, or re-negotiate to bring it into your new future.


And if you're doing like me, make sure you keep other Plan Men on your Mantris even while re-dating an ex - until he's initiated "the talk" and asked you to commit to a monogamous relationship with him, be sure to keep your options open so you don't get hooked in too deep too fast to another screwed up dynamic that is OH so hard to change once it gets going.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

The Best Way To Get Him Back Forever!

Breaking up sucks.

It's one of the hardest things we have to do in our lives - make that decision, and follow through with it, and keep from relapsing back into old habits just because we're a little scared or lonely.

But what if you're not entirely sure you really WANTED to break up?

What if, when you look back, you can see places that would have easily resulted in something completely different in your relationship, if only you two had agreed to make a change?

Length Matters, Not Size

You've made this realization and have some regrets about your recent break up, or you wouldn't be reading the rest of this article.

What are you going to do about it?  And what CAN you do about it?

How long has it been since you two broke up?  What kind of contact has there been from him in the mean time?  Has he given any indication of remorse about breaking up, or has any contact mainly been about sexual needs?

And what about you?  Are you thinking of getting back together with him as a way to be able to get away with not having to meet new people - possibly ones that would be a better match in a relationship?

These are the things you need to ask yourself before you decide to "go for it" and "bare your soul" hoping that he will feel the same way and come back to you to try again, this time with an agreement that bonds you forever.

Another Best Way To Get Him Back

Some of us know that getting back together with our Ex isn't something we want to do.

Perhaps he was abusive.  Perhaps he was a criminal.  Perhaps he simply wanted different things from his life in a critical area, like having children when you didn't want them yourself, and you let him go so he could find someone to have kids with.

In this case, what's the best way to get him back, when you don't want him in your life anymore?

It's simple:

Living a great life, being happy, pursuing the things that bring you joy, and finding the right love that matches your desires... all those things are great ways to get him back.  That way when he hears about how you're doing - and he inevitably will - he'll know that he missed out on something great!

And isn't it wonderful how you benefit from getting him back forever, either way?

I think it's pretty cool.